Brown Queen Diaries
Welcome to the Brown Queen Diaries, a podcast that celebrates the diverse experiences of women of color. Join us as we explore personal stories, cultural heritage, and the challenges and triumphs of navigating life as a brown queen. Each episode features insightful conversations with inspiring guests, touching on topics like identity, empowerment, wellness, and creativity. Whether you're seeking inspiration or connection, our community is here to uplift and empower you. Tune in and embrace your inner queen!
Brown Queen Diaries
Episode 3: Motherhood and Career growth
What if balancing a thriving career and motherhood didn't have to feel like an impossible juggling act? Join us for an eye-opening conversation as we promise to equip you with strategies and insights that can transform your approach to managing work and family life. We sit down with Kalyani Valluri, a dedicated IT professional who courageously shares her heartfelt experiences of stepping away from her career for maternity leave and the emotional whirlwind that followed. From the guilt and anxiety of leaving her child in childcare to the professional setbacks she faced, Kalyani's story is a testament to the resilience required to navigate these personal and professional landscapes. With candid honesty, she encourages mothers everywhere to embrace this new chapter with confidence and strength.
Further into our discussion, we explore the broader dynamics of returning to the workforce after maternity leave, emphasizing the vital role that support systems play in this transition. Our conversation touches on the importance of planning both at home and work, addressing the psychological impact of career breaks, and celebrating the growth that comes from these challenges. Priyanka joins us to share her inspiring journey back to work, underscoring the power of personal stories to foster a supportive community. Together, we aim to create a platform where women's voices are heard and appreciated, providing hope and encouragement to mothers balancing their careers and family life.
Concept & Host: Priyanka Nomula
Designed & Directed: Sandeep Raj
Presented by: Aussie Talkies
Guest Name: Kalyani Valluri
Brown Queen Diaries by Priyanka Nomula
Directed by Sandeep Raj
Presented by Aussie Talkies
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Welcome to the show Kalyani. How are you? Thank you, Priyanka, for inviting me to this wonderful show Brown Queen Diaries. I'm good how are you?
Speaker 2:I'm good and I'm super thrilled to have you on the show, thank you. So let's begin from, like you know, your introduction. So who is Kalyani for?
Speaker 1:our audience. So, as many of you know, I'm Kalyani Valluri. I am a full-time IT professional working at an IT firm in Australia, and also a full-time mom, also working through my passion with singing and MCing. So yeah, juggling between all of this, multitasking, whatnot everything, it's good of this multitasking, whatnot.
Speaker 2:Everything it's good. So our topic is about, like motherhood, maternity and, as a working professional yourself, it would have been like, you know, shift from full-time working person to actually having to take a break for your pregnancy. Yeah, all of us can relate to it. Yeah, but from your point of view, what was the one thing that struck when you fell pregnant about work? You know, pregnancy is a big milestone in our lives. Yeah, so it's all sorts of excitement and everything, but when you fell pregnant, what was the first thing that struck to you about?
Speaker 1:work, as you said, definitely it's the career, the big career gap you're going to take. In Australia. Generally, it's like you know, you can take a break of 12 months and you can extend it up to two years per se, but even though it's 12 months, you feel like it's two years almost, because when you're going for your maternity leave right people there are other people whom you need to train to get onto your role, like a secondment. It's like you're just giving away your baby, like you have worked so hard for all these years and I'm a pretty ambitious girl as well, so giving away all of that, like what I've worked on it, was pretty hard for me.
Speaker 1:So that was the first thing which came up to my mind, and also you, you know, support is always good, but sometimes I feel like it's unwanted. Like people at work, they are like you're pregnant, don't, don't worry, we'll take care of this, we'll take care of that. But you know I can't let go of things that easily, so I don't want to sound rude, but you know that that was not expected. Like, if I need help, I will definitely ask. So, yeah, the first thing, of course, is the career gap it's basically giving away one baby, transitioning to another phase of your life, so it would have been hard it was definitely difficult.
Speaker 1:But yeah, motherhood and you know the happiness of getting another family member into your life, that made it a bit easier, that kind of took over, yeah, exactly yeah, you know, on that topic right, we have yearly reviews and promotions and everything.
Speaker 2:So when you're pregnant, did you have any?
Speaker 1:that sort of community definitely conversations definitely I was about to get a promotion before I was going on mat leave and then my higher-ups are like ah, you're anyways going on leave, so let's hold on to that. That was like a hard hitter for me. I'm like, what the hell? Like, I worked for this. You can't just put it away just because I'm going on leave. And whenever you're going on mat leave, right, you have to prove yourself once you're back. I felt that because you're put on a secondment role and then sometimes I feel like people are testing your skills, like whether you have changed after coming back from a career gap.
Speaker 2:So that kind of put us off right yeah, so it's interesting that you're saying that yeah it's not, uh, uncommon because I see a lot of people going into this yearly conversations about promotion like you're going to maternity leave. Have a peaceful time, come back, we'll give you promotion. But when you come back, your situation is completely different. Exactly You're probably doing a different role.
Speaker 1:Yeah, who knows, the manager might have changed, there might be a new one who doesn't even know about you, and you again have to prove yourself, like whatever you have done for the past three, four years. Before going on mat leave, you again have to, you know, start doing that. It's kind of very hard, for how did you deal with it? Yeah, obviously I had to sink into the flow of it, as you said, and I had to work like stretch, stretch hours to prove myself. Luckily for me, I got the opportunity sooner. It's not the promotion I expected before going on mat leave, but some kind of a promotion is what I got. I just wanted to say this to all the moms out there Don't stress yourself or don't work too hard. If the opportunity is there, it will definitely come to you. Enjoy the new phase of life. That's how I dealt with it.
Speaker 2:That's great Maternity break itself comes with a lot of challenges. Of course, yeah, technology is, as it is, evolving day by day and people move. When you go on long breaks, like six months to one year, people move from one team to another team and things like that. So when you go back to work, it is challenging, right? Of course, yeah. What happened with you? How did you find it?
Speaker 1:Of course it is challenging, you know. There is this constant guilt for any new mom sending your child to child care and there is a separation anxiety so it was very tough for me, like leaving my child in child care.
Speaker 1:It took almost like two, three months to adjust to that routine. And, of course, at work as well. Know, sometimes you might be in new teams, you might need to work with new people and stuff like that, so you need to constantly build those relationships. Whatever you have done in the past is like done and dusted you need to start afresh. And also the learning, the constant learning, and also the constant urge to prove yourself, because people might not know your working style. And also, you know, before mat leave or before the child, it's just you and your partner, right.
Speaker 1:So you, you have this. Even if you work for extra hours, you don't feel anything. You just feel like, okay, I'm working hard, oh, I did this, it's great, something like that. Right, but after mat leave and after the child, somehow I felt like I slowed down a bit. You know my focus has shifted from, you know, the go-getter style I am to okay, first prioritize your child and then, when you find some time, you can prove yourself. But you know it didn't put me back, I was just. I was just thinking that, okay, that's okay, you slow down, but anyways, you're learning new things yeah and you're working towards your goal.
Speaker 1:You might not finish it in, like you know, one month, two months, it might take four months, but still you're doing that, yeah. So that kind, that kind of positive mindset took me forward.
Speaker 2:I feel like that is the right way to do it exactly we have to step back, observe, learn and also balance it up. That makes us a little bit more kind of, you know, a way forward in sort of leadership exactly, exactly it gives us a different lens because, we automatically start organizing ourselves in a certain way to fit into, you know, in our work environment, in the home, domestic environment, and then, obviously, you have other things.
Speaker 2:You know when, when you started back to work yeah, right, when we have pregnancy or even periods or anything, right, we have hormonal ups and downs, of course, yeah, okay, and how did it affect on you? Because I know like it plays a big part. Of course, right, it affects your mood swings yeah it affects your whole body. To be honest, like, postpartum is not a joke, right, of course. Yeah, so did you face any of that? Did you have enough recovery time before you started working, or like how did?
Speaker 1:it go. Yeah, there's definitely recovery time. I took the 12 month break. That's good, yeah. And there is definitely postpartum depression. Many, I felt like many moms even now, even in this generation, they're not recognizing the postpartum depression. Whatever they are facing, they just put it aside. I think there is a stigma attached to it. Like you know, the word depression itself most people don't use, yeah, because people might think that like they might have some mental illness or something like that. But that's not true. If I I faced it and I feel 90 to 95 percent moms, new moms, they face it, they just don't identify it. I say, yeah, I always used to feel, like you know, I'm working too hard for the baby.
Speaker 1:You know, like constant feeding and all of that and making the baby sleep and waking up with the baby and stuff like that. I'm very fortunate that I have a support system with me, like my mom and dad, they came and stayed with me. That kind of really helped. But I'm a very social woman as well. Like you know, I go out quite a bit, I mingle with my friends, but everything was like full stop, yeah. So that kind of added up to the depression. But then because of the support system I had right. So my husband and my parents. They used to take care of the baby and used to give me some night out. That really kind of helped. So if any new moms out there, if you're facing any kind of slightest depression as well, feel free to talk to your partner and your support system so that they can help and take me time. That really helps.
Speaker 2:Me time and you know having that, you know mental, like you know what we call, like you know we have to settle down with our emotions. There should be some kind of you know regime or something like that, balancing your emotion, things like that. But did it have an effect on your work, like your hormonal ups and downs?
Speaker 1:Not quite because I had the 12-month break. If I've, if I would have joined like three, four months after the delivery, maybe I would have. But, um, nothing as such, just the separation anxiety. I mentioned sending my child to childcare.
Speaker 2:Apart from that, uh, I think I'm good like yeah, so what do you think is the right amount of time to go on maternity leave? People go on three months, yeah, some people go on six months, someone 12 months and some more so what do you think, in your view, is the right amount of time period to go on maternity leave?
Speaker 1:yeah, it again depends on person to person. Right like for me, 12 months really helped. But if you have good support system, if your parents stay with you or something like that, you can even join in three, four months. It actually depends on the child and the mom, because some babies they have that separation anxiety as well when moms leave them. As I said, it depends on person to person.
Speaker 2:But from my view, I feel like 12 month period would have been like really good, but that would have been excellent exactly. I would have got that quality time with my son but that's one of the things that I have a bit. I went a bit early yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think it's never enough for the moms, I know yeah yeah, I know, I know it's never enough, but yeah, I think moms need to decide on their own. Talk to their like, don't decide it up front maybe once the baby's there and you need to see the baby's routine, your routine, how it's sinking, and then take the decision.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you want to go early. You know one funny thing when I was going on mat leave, I told my manager like I'll come back in six months, don't worry, I don't want to stay at home, I'll come back in six months. And then, after I went, my manager called me during that, still on the same then I'm like no, I need more time. He was like I told you that's, that's what happens. Right, you expect something, but then something else so fear of pause in your career growth.
Speaker 2:That's one thing that happens to everyone who's going on maternity leave. Yeah, right, yeah. So if, given a chance, you have one kid right now and would you willingly go for the second child, like if you have to plan your pregnancy again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's definitely a personal question. No, no, not like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it in general, like would you actually take that step forward without fearing that you'll lose your job? Or your career that sort of thing.
Speaker 1:It's definitely dreadful and stressful as well, going through the same thing again, yeah, but I want all the torture, like the sleepless nights, the career break and proving you know, sometimes you know. Nights, the career break and proving you know, sometimes you know, proving yourself in the organization. It's, like you know, challenging as well.
Speaker 2:You're getting a kick out of it, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm getting a kick out of it, yeah definitely.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it was very stressful, even the first pause I took, and maybe, who knows, the second pause I take for the second kid, I don't know. It was definitely challenging and I was not working in the same stride I used to work previously, as I told you as well. But I just thought, you know, never to stop myself, even if I'm taking just one step towards the goal. I just don't want to stop anytime and I just I was taking it at my own stride. So that kind of really helped me and I don't mind, you know, even for the second kid to take a pause because, as I said, you follow the same pattern.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, getting a kick out of a challenging thing is my thing. Okay, that's good.
Speaker 2:Returning back to work right Going on maternity leave is one thing but returning back to work is another thing. Right Like that itself, I feel like a little bit of a project. You need to organize a few things Lots. What did you do?
Speaker 1:As you said, a lot of planning involved. Like before I went to work, uh, I called up my manager and asked about the situation at work, like which role I am returning to, uh, and what's the description? Like the role description I'll be um attending towards at work. Apart from that, at home as well, you know, um care, like with child care to send the kid to, it didn't start two weeks prior, maybe like three, four months prior to returning to work with child care and also forming a routine.
Speaker 1:You know, I used to have like a book where I used to write like OK, complete planning, like the day planning, that really kind of helped me. Okay, complete planning, like the day planning, that really kind of helped me. You know it might not exactly happen in the same timing, but at least if you have a plan it's easier to work towards it Instead of, you know, stressing out on the first day of return to work because it's anyways a new change for you after the break, right? So you don't want to make it more stressful, piling up things on it. So, of course, planning really helped me, and talking to my higher-ups also helped me in planning everything. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and obviously you'll have your family members support you as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We're talking about family members and everything. Support system plays a big role, Of course. Yeah, Even when you're transitioning from you know one like. Support system plays a big role, of course, even when you're transitioning from you know one, like you know, fail. Let's call it a phase right maturity phase to another, then back to work phase. Right, that's a transition for a woman yeah so your support system also plays a big role. So how, who helped you and how did it actually, like you know, help you? Did you have your parents over or yeah?
Speaker 1:I had my parents for quite a bit, uh, but when I started to work, it's just me and my husband, um, so we planned our days accordingly. Like, um, my child, she goes like four days to the child care. So in my organization I had this facility where I can work a compressed week okay so I planned that accordingly and the work from home as well kind of helped. Uh, the one thing COVID did which is good as the work from home thing, that's so good, like especially for moms.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so good exactly so that kind of helped and I think most of the organizations they are also with this new trend of work from home, especially for new moms. They kind of encourage them to stay back at home, get used to things and then come back if you want to come. That that really worked for me and that really helped me. And, of course, the new leaves and everything coming up, like even now, husband, like the male parent as well, he can take leave, like parental leave and stuff like that. Right, um, if, if you're feeling too, too much at home because of all the new things happening with the new phase, yeah, that that kind of helps as well. I think organizations are adapting to these new changes yeah, that's really good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so they can equally stay off, and you know exactly support which is really good. Before we wrap up, what advice would you give to the women that are going on maternity leave and planning to come back to work? From your end, of course, yeah see, maternity is a beautiful phase.
Speaker 1:I know sometimes it gets stressful, but enjoy the phase while you can, because those beautiful moments they cannot be repeated, right, they are once in a lifetime. Even though you have two kids, three kids, every time it will be a different experience. So I say, have that wonderful experience, enjoy every phase while you can, because, see, the world can wait. You can achieve whatever you want. Being an ambitious girl, I'm saying this means you know, with experience of what I had previously, definitely everything can wait. Enjoy the phase and when you are returning to work, don't stress, don't strain yourself, don't become too over ambitious, just work with your own stride, learn new things, get support from workplace and also from your partner at home yeah and yeah, just take a chill pill.
Speaker 1:Yeah, take a chill pill, dive through.
Speaker 2:That's cool, thank you. Thanks for sharing your journey. Yeah, and it was really interesting and also insightful to understand how your maternity journey and your returning back to work sort of went through. Yeah, and I'm glad it went really well as well. Thanks to you, thanks for sharing that.
Speaker 1:Thanks a lot, priyanka. You know no one has done this kind of a interview or a podcast till now, and I think it will help a lot of women, so I'm really happy that you took that step, you know, to introduce this to all other women out there. So it's a beautiful thing you're doing and I hope this will be a huge success, and I loved being a part of this show.
Speaker 2:Thank you, and I really believe that every story needs to be heard. So that's the ambition, and I'm hoping that it goes on like this. Loved it, loved it.
Speaker 1:All the best to you, thank you, and all the best to all of us.
